Just Joshin

I'm a doctor, not a miracle worker, Jim!

jgraeme2007

7/21/08 06:02 pm

The clever and talented -- and funny as heck kimnik  (Nikki Kimberling of -- Blind Eye Books) cooked up a little scheme for her Live Journal whereby she would write a sicky scene of passionate lovemaking -- and then ask me to diagnose and proscribe -- er, prescribe -- accordingly. 

So Part I -- Nikki's masterpiece of mediocrity -- is up right now. I'll tell you for free, she deserves your respect because writing like that doesn't just happen. You know she worked and worked to get it suitably flat. I take my hat -- whatever the heck it is -- off to her.

And tomorrow I will wave my magic thermometer -- hey! Get it: Ther-MOM-eter? 

Yeah, I scare myself as well. 

Anyway, tomorrow we see what, if anything, can be done to save the patient.

 

 

Tags: blind eye books, m/m, man oh man, nikki kimberling, writing

• Current Location: Dining Room Table
• Current Music: C's Mix Vol III
• Current Mood: contemplative

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• (Anonymous)

  7/22/08 01:28 am (UTC)

  I'm afraid to look. What if it sounds like my WIP???? JUST KIDDING.
  
  
  and yes. I'm anonymous tonight cuz I'm sooo not supposed to be blogging. Sshshhh.
  

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  • jgraeme2007

    7/22/08 01:42 am (UTC)

    

    I'm afraid to look. What if it sounds like my WIP???? JUST KIDDING.
    
    It does not sound like anyone's WIP that I know of. Maybe if little green men are practicing writing M/M fiction...maybe it sounds like THEIR WiP.
    
    It's a work of fiendish genius, I'm telling you.

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• dakotaflint

  7/22/08 02:17 am (UTC)

  

  Hey, Monday is a total MOM day. Cool.
  
  I'm already over my daily allotted LJ time so I haven't read it yet, but I will. I just hope my writing doesn't sound like it. I'll die.
  
  But at least I suscribe to the theory that the great beyond is filled with ice cream in every flavor....

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  • jgraeme2007

    7/22/08 02:58 pm (UTC)

    

    I'm already over my daily allotted LJ time so I haven't read it yet, but I will. I just hope my writing doesn't sound like it. I'll die.
    
    No. Nikki has excelled herself. Not that I haven't seen some things nearly as bad in my travels.
    

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• batboy126

  7/22/08 02:31 am (UTC)

  

  I don't know. It sounds pretty typical to me, apart from the Eminem reference.

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  • jgraeme2007

    7/22/08 02:56 pm (UTC)

    

    I don't know. It sounds pretty typical to me, apart from the Eminem reference.
    
    Hey! You don't even read this stuff.
    
    Or were you referring to real life? Because...yeah, but fiction has to be BETTER than real life.

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• abstractrx

  7/22/08 03:34 am (UTC)

  

  I will be watching unless you stick the thermometer someplace odd and delicacy requires that I avert my eyes. I can't wait to hear you snap on the rubber gloves... but frankly, it's just cause I like that *snap* sound.
  
  Batboy126, I heard that... Don't you know the doctor is here to help? Roll bandages or something.

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  • batboy126

    7/22/08 12:45 pm (UTC)

    

    "Batboy126, I heard that... Don't you know the doctor is here to help? Roll bandages or something."
    You're right. I should trust the doc to do what's necessary. Maybe he'll arrange for 'Dick' and 'Roger' to decide they'd rather just go bowling.

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  • jgraeme2007

    7/22/08 02:53 pm (UTC)

    

    Batboy126, I heard that... Don't you know the doctor is here to help? Roll bandages or something.
    
    Yes indeed. He makes me nervous flapping those silky dark wings of his outside our window while the patient tosses, moaning, in the bed.
    
    

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• wedschilde

  7/22/08 05:01 am (UTC)

  

  oh that was horrible. :::grins:: :D

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  • jgraeme2007

    7/22/08 02:50 pm (UTC)

    

    oh that was horrible. :::grins:: :D
    
    Refreshingly so. *g*

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• callistosh65

  7/22/08 06:12 am (UTC)

  

  That was just.. wonderfully awful. Haven't giggled so much on a Tuesday morning in a long time. To work with you, Dr Lanyon.
  
  Edited at 2008-07-22 06:12 am (UTC)

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  • jgraeme2007

    7/22/08 02:49 pm (UTC)

    

    That was just.. wonderfully awful.
    
    It was, wasn't it. She redefines "Mistress of the Macabre."

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• Oh nooooooo

  krisjacen

  7/22/08 07:00 am (UTC)

  

  Okay, my head hurts now. Josh please fix this. I can't even imagine editing the rest of that or reading it for the pleasure of commenting for the "no thank you" letter. Back to editing for me....oh yeah, Dakota don't you owe me a synopsis?

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  • Re: Oh nooooooo

    jgraeme2007

    7/22/08 02:45 pm (UTC)

    

    Okay, my head hurts now. Josh please fix this. I can't even imagine editing the rest of that or reading it for the pleasure of commenting for the "no thank you" letter. Back to editing for me....oh yeah, Dakota don't you owe me a synopsis?
    
    Ah. Very true. Most editors wouldn't waste time reading this far. Safe to say that if one scene is this bad, the entire work could be relied upon to appall.
    
    Although...some otherwise capable writers do wig out a little when it comes to the sex scenes. Or -- cough -- skip them altogether.
    
    

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  • Re: Oh nooooooo

    dakotaflint

    7/22/08 03:10 pm (UTC)

    

    *squeaks* um, me?
    
    Should I be alarmed that the thought of my name immediately followed the thought of the "no thank you" letter?
    
    

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• jessewave

  7/22/08 09:08 am (UTC)

  

  I like the Old Spice reference. Haven't you used grandpa's aftershave a time or two Josh? I will totally "respect you in the morning" Josh if you can fix this LOL

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  • jgraeme2007

    7/22/08 02:41 pm (UTC)

    

    I like the Old Spice reference. Haven't you used grandpa's aftershave a time or two Josh?
    
    Yes indeed. The choice of Old Spice can be symbolic and significant -- except in a historical piece. In the forties it was too popular to be symbolic or significant.

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• "Sometimes Jim, I feel I could cure a rainy day"

  erastes

  7/22/08 09:58 am (UTC)

  

  Why don't you do a monthly or weekly slot? Anonymous, like Dear Author's weekly slot. I'd certainly volunteer to be eviscerated.

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  • Re: "Sometimes Jim, I feel I could cure a rainy day"

    jgraeme2007

    7/22/08 02:39 pm (UTC)

    

    Why don't you do a monthly or weekly slot? Anonymous, like Dear Author's weekly slot. I'd certainly volunteer to be eviscerated.
    
    It might be fun. If I could find enough volunteers.
    
    Ah, but it's very hard for an accomplished writer to write "down." And meanwhile YOUR time could be spent writing stories I actually want to read.
    
    

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• layla_aaron

  7/22/08 12:58 pm (UTC)

  

  Wow, hat's off to Nikki for that. I'm speechless. *giggle*

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  • jgraeme2007

    7/22/08 02:30 pm (UTC)

    

    Wow, hat's off to Nikki for that. I'm speechless. *giggle*
    
    
    I underestimated her skills and determination.

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• orchideyes2

  7/22/08 08:12 pm (UTC)

  

  Well, it was funny.

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• astridamara

  7/22/08 11:03 pm (UTC)

  

  Nikki has an uncanny ability of encapsulating the worst possible writing. I'm not sure if any of you have viewed her beautiful "sample" query letter for Blind Eye Books, but it, too, is a masterpiece in horror. You can find it here.

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  • kimnik

    7/23/08 02:35 am (UTC)

    

    Yeah, except we never did fix the spacing in the text to be actually, um... right. That page was mainly to show people where on the MS to put their pseudonyms.
    
    *hangs head in shame*

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• femme_savant

  7/23/08 02:58 am (UTC)

  

  This reminds of a few years ago, when "Atlanta Nights," the "worst book ever written," was published as a "great work of fiction" by PublishAmerica, The writing of the book was part of sting against fraudulent self-publishing houses, in which several well-respected authors were asked to contribute one chapter and were told to "dumb" down their writing. There's no plot or context for the individual chapters, and the erotic scenes are atrocious. The book became so popular because of the absurdity of it that it was later republished by Lulu.com as a lesson of what not to do, and can be purchased from most major on-line booksellers.

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  • jgraeme2007

    7/23/08 02:10 pm (UTC)

    

    This reminds of a few years ago, when "Atlanta Nights," the "worst book ever written," was published as a "great work of fiction" by PublishAmerica
    
    I remember that. It was a sting because PublishAmerica insisted that they were not a vanity press, they were a legitimate publisher with legitimate editorial staff.

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